I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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