The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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