honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
