Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
