If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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