So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
