did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well, you know. whores of a feather.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
