Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
