dude i'm inner monologue high
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
