Are we in a gay sports bar?
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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