Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
