After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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