I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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