You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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