Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
