I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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