No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
