Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
