my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Randomize
