Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
