You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
