this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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