I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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