What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
