a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Two words: blizzard sex
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
