Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
