just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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