I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
