My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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