Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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