Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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