I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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