the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
