Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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