I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
