he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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