JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
3 2 1 whiskey
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
