I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
