her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
