Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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