pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
