you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
