he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
