My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
