hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
