She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize