so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize