just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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