Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
