Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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