I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
