Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
