i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My ATM looks so different sober.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
