What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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