Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
