That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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