loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
