Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Randomize
