Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
