I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
