I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
