thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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