Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
