Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
