im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
