Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
