Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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