after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
