You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
