Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
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