Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
