he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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