dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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