It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
