there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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