Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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