if i can run in heels then i can drive
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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