Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
