Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
