He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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