I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize