TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
