nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
