you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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