Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
