Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
