Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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