Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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