Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
