So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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